Oh, I’m a monster, I’m a monster, I’m gonna eat you, I’m gonna eat you, ‘Cause I’m a monster, oh, I’m a monster, I’m gonna ea-a-a-at yo-o-o-ou. He rings up sugar, corn, and wheat. He rings up cans and bread and meat. His nametag says his name is Pete. I think he’s pretty good to eat. Oh, I’m a monster, I’m a monster, I’m gonna eat you, I’m gonna eat you, ‘Cause I’m a monster, oh, I’m a monster, I’m gonna ea-a-a-at yo-o-o-ou. No rain nor hail nor snow nor sleet Will slow the staid, persistent, fleet- Ing motion of the mailman’s feet. I think he’s pretty good to eat. Oh, I’m a monster, I’m a monster, I’m gonna eat you, I’m gonna eat you, ‘Cause I’m a monster, oh, I’m a monster, I’m gonna ea-a-a-at yo-o-o-ou. In daily blues he walks the beat, An officer all down the street. He finds a bench and takes a seat. I think he’s pretty good to eat. Oh, I’m a monster, I’m a monster, I’m gonna eat you, I’m gonna eat you, ‘Cause I’m a monster, oh, I’m a monster, I’m gonna ea-a-a-at yo-o-o-ou. The pet store owner keeps them neat, From dog to cat to parakeet. And though they all look pretty sweet, I think he’s pretty good to eat. Oh, I’m a monster, I’m a monster, I’m gonna eat you, I’m gonna eat you, ‘Cause I’m a monster, oh, I’m a monster, I’m gonna ea-a-a-at yo-o-o-ou. But I feel something pierce my skin. The pain is coming from within. The people who escape, they grin. At least I knew they’re good to eat.

One night, a gypsy woman gave me a gift It was a tiny little skeleton toy And when I pressed the button under the thrift Store price tag, it sang and danced around with great joy But when the skeleton stopped working and broke I put it out in my garage for a year And when I brought it out, I tell you, no joke It started saying things that gave me much fear It was a… Toy skeleton, haunted and possessed This is demonic, crazy! A toy skeleton, haunted and possessed This is demonic, crazy Toy skeleton, haunted and possessed This is demonic, crazy! A toy skeleton, haunted and possessed This is demonic, crazy Well now, it asked me ‘what the hell do you want?’ It turned to face me with its glowing red eyes And though right now it just says ‘what do you want?’ It knows it’s videotaped, I didn’t lie So maybe all it does is splutter and spurt Right now, but I promise it’ll get interesting Because I know it’s gonna drop it’s li’l front And you’ll be glad that you weren’t missing a thing ‘Cause it’s a… Toy skeleton, haunted and possessed This is demonic, crazy! A toy skeleton, haunted and possessed This is demonic, crazy Toy skeleton, haunted and possessed This is demonic, crazy! A toy skeleton, haunted and possessed This is demonic, crazy You know, the skeleton is bein’ an ass- Hole, that’s why it doesn’t wanna do anything But now you heard that it was givin’ me sass Ohh, I should drop this cam and give it a swing And all we’re doin’ here is pressin’ a but- Ton, and this thing just isn’t wanting to work But if it wants some’n from us it should say what So go ahead and tell us, you little jerk! [Spoken: “What, me?!” “No! The… thing!” You’re just a… Toy skeleton, haunted and possessed This is demonic, crazy! A toy skeleton, haunted and possessed This is demonic, crazy Toy skeleton, haunted and possessed This is demonic, crazy! A toy skeleton, haunted and possessed This is demonic, crazy So tell us, what exactly are you afraid of? (You.) Oh, well, I would be afraid of that too You think that we might figure out what you’re made of? (No.) Well, we’re standing here and we can see you Why don’t cha come right outta there and perform For us, ‘less if we are really pissin’ you off? Wait, do you want us to be pissin’ you off? Why don’t cha show us? Why don’t cha show us? Why don’t cha show us? Why don’t cha show us? [Bridge] I'm a very spooky guy... The kind you don't take home to mother... I will always let your spirit down When I see y'all on the street Oh yeah! I'm all right, but I'm right Yes, I'm all right with me Yeah-hah-hah... Heh-heh-heh HEY! Now we aren’t touching this thing but it goes nuts And in the name of Jesus Christ, you get out! Nobody’s doin’ something to make this happen And in the name of Jesus Christ, you get out! The noise you hear, it’s shaking hard on the counter It’s gettin’ loud, for you to hear, I will shout You see, this is a real demonic encounter So in the name of Jesus Christ, you get out! You’re just a… Toy skeleton, haunted and possessed This is demonic, crazy! A toy skeleton, haunted and possessed This is demonic, crazy Toy skeleton, haunted and possessed This is demonic, crazy! A toy skeleton, haunted and possessed This is demonic, crazy No, you’re not welcome here and no, you’re not wanted I know, I’m tapin’ it, I tape, I tape this We know this little plastic dummy is haunted I do, I’m tapin’ it, I tape, I tape this We will not have you in this house, demon-spawn So press the button, press the button, you plugged it You’re gettin’ outta here this minute, yeah, you’re gone! (You’re gone! You’re gone!) [Spoken] Oh my god. Stephan unplugged it… I’m turning this off now.

The two days in every single year that make me want to scream The few days that leave me full of fear, with dark and mournful theme And if they ever did collide, well, that would just be mean I hope Friday the 13th never falls on Hallowe’en The two days in every single year that make me want to scream The few days that leave me full of fear, with dark and mournful theme And if they ever did collide, well, that would just be mean I hope Friday the 13th never falls on Hallowe’en The two days in every single year that make me want to scream The few days that leave me full of fear, with dark and mournful theme And if they ever did collide, well, that would just be mean I hope Friday the 13th never falls on Hallowe’en

There comes a time in every year When every night is filled with fear But that’s all far away from here Which means that Half-o-we’en is near The calendar has turned its way to April 31st The farthest poss’ble date away from monsters’ bloody thirst Six months since demons ran away, six months ‘til night is cursed That’s why we cel’brate Half-o-we’en on April 31st The hills and dales are newly gre’en The animals and plants are ke’en No signs of autumn to be se’en That means it’s time for Half-o-we’en The calendar has turned its way to April 31st The farthest poss’ble date away from monsters’ bloody thirst Six months since demons ran away, six months ‘til night is cursed That’s why we cel’brate Half-o-we’en on April 31st The spirits roil, their die is cast The cemetery’s tombs are vast But all those frights are in the past And Half-o-we’en is here at last The calendar has turned its way to April 31st The farthest poss’ble date away from monsters’ bloody thirst Six months since demons ran away, six months ‘til night is cursed That’s why we cel’brate Half-o-we’en on April 31st [Slower and spookier:] The scarecrows now are stuffed with hay The fresh spring air has gone away We hate to reach the Dreadful Day But Half-o-we’en can never stay [Start slow but pick up speed:] When frights were over, we rejoiced on April 31st You know we love to stay away from monsters’ bloody thirst And now the days grow colder and we hide from nightly curse But next year we can celebrate on April 31st

If you find yourself at night Alone in a dreadful scene You better hope for your own sake It isn’t Hallowe’en If you hear xyl’phones in the dark Don’t look back where you’ve be’en Just face ahead and run away It must be Hallowe’en Hallowed Hallowe’en, Hallowed Hallowe’en The night each year that’s mean, it’s frightful and obscene Hallowed Hallowe’en, Hallowed Hallowe’en Zombies, ghosts and skeletons are dancing really ke’en Hallowed Hallowe’en, Hallowed Hallowe’en, Hallowed Hallowe’en… If you find yourself at night Lost in the forests of Maine You’d better check your calendar ‘Cuz if it’s Hallowe’en… You’ll try to run, or try to hide You’ll try to stay unseen And if the monsters come to find You, it must be Hallowe’en… Hallowed Hallowe’en, Hallowed Hallowe’en The night each year that’s mean, it’s frightful and obscene Hallowed Hallowe’en, Hallowed Hallowe’en A night that’s rarely dangerous unless you are a te’en Hallowed Hallowe’en, Hallowed Hallowe’en, Hallowed Hallowe’en… If you find yourself at night In what looks like a horror scene You get yourself away from there If this is Hallowe’en… Or if you’re staying out too late In ol’ downtown Racine... You’d have nothing to worry for Except it’s Hallowe’en… Hallowed Hallowe’en, Hallowed Hallowe’en The night each year that’s mean, it’s frightful and obscene Hallowed Hallowe’en, Hallowed Hallowe’en Statues rise tonight to dance with Hummel figurines Hallowed Hallowe’en, Hallowed Hallowe’en, Hallowed Hallowe’en…

There's a bat And a rat And a big black scary cat It's too spooky for me There's a skeleton And a vampire There's something in the fire It's much too spooky for me It's too spooky Too spooky It's too spooky for me I can't look It's too spooky for me It's too spooky Too spooky It's too spooky for me I have to turn away It's too spooky for me There's a monster And a witch Am I really seeing this? It's too spooky for me There's a jack-o'lantern with arms and legs There's a ghost coming down the stairs It's much too spooky for me It's too spooky Too spooky It's too spooky for me I can't look It's too spooky for me It's too spooky Too spooky It's too spooky for me I have to turn away It's too spooky for me What's that under the stairs? I'm sure that that should not be there What's that, there in the window? In fact, I'd rather not know It's too spooky Too spooky It's too spooky for me I can't look It's too spooky for me It's too spooky Too spooky It's too spooky for me I have to turn away It's too spooky for me

It doesn’t matter what your dest- ination is, so don’t be stressed A feast for every humble guest Now come and make this train your nest We offer service from our best The opportunity to rest So come along, just tell us ‘yes’ And ride the Hallowe’en Express Every single year it goes And where it comes from, no one knows The train arrives on Hallowe’en And brings back those who ha’n’t been seen In twelve long months; they never stay ‘The train has took their lives away,’ Some say… It doesn’t matter what your dest- ination is, so don’t be stressed A feast for every humble guest Now come and make this train your nest We offer service from our best The opportunity to rest So come along, just tell us ‘yes’ And ride the Hallowe’en Express Go get your tickets if you’re brave That train is surely like a grave And if you dare to stand in line At Old South Station, co’ered in vine, You’ll wait behind the old, who buy ‘I’d rather ride the train than die,’ Some cry… It doesn’t matter what your dest- ination is, so don’t be stressed A feast for every humble guest Now come and make this train your nest We offer service from our best The opportunity to rest So come along, just tell us ‘yes’ And ride the Hallowe’en Express [Bridge] One year they’re gone, but now come back, Their bodies have remained intact, Although their minds, their selves, are gone The body simply carries on And aims to serve each humble guest They’ll honor every made request I guess… It doesn’t matter what your dest- ination is, so don’t be stressed A feast for every humble guest Now come and make this train your nest We offer service from our best The opportunity to rest So come along, just tell us ‘yes’ And ride the Hallowe’en Express